Why I write

I saved this picture to my hard drive a long time ago because I thought it explained how I felt about writing. The stories go on in my head all the time, and getting them on paper is a way of clearing the clutter out of my brain - but lately...I think I've gotten too good at suppressing the voices.

I made a concentrated effort a while ago to be more focused, and get out of my head so that I could experience the world through more than just my computer screen. I spent a lot of years writing feverishly and editing and basically spending almost all of my time staring at my computer. I spent today doing that - after a long time of finding excuses not to do it. I started out with some household work, spent a good long time worrying over a revision of rights letter to a publisher that is very likely in the process of imploding, and then spent the rest of the day alternately avoiding working on my book and making infinitesimally small advances in my rough draft.

I managed to write part of a scene this evening and then hit a brick wall again, so I'm still on page one of chapter one of a book I really don't feel like writing. And the worst part is, I'm not sure I feel like writing anything at all. The love just isn't there right now and I'm worried that this time it's gone for good.

Writing is my talent. It's my gift. I've spent decades learning how to do it better, learning the art and the science of story telling, and I feel like I owe it to myself not to let that gift fade away, but I'm also just exhausted. The publishing industry sucks. Books just aren't as good as they used to be... sorry, but that's my opinion. Even my own work isn't as good as it used to be.

I don't want to churn out books. There are plenty of people doing that - and the rub is, they're making more money than me. I want to write stories that at least if no one else likes them I think the're good and lately it seems I don't even like my own writing. That's a problem.

Hopefully it's just the summer blues - I battle them every year. But I'm really starting to worry that I've spent too much time ignoring the voices and now they don't want to talk to me anymore.