2015

So a new year begins. Off to an auspicious start with the failure of the last grand experiment. The sweet madness of Christmas derailed my hard won efforts and I'm back to square one and wondering why I keep trying so hard to make a difference.

Is it worth it to struggle for 8 weeks to lose 5.6 pounds and gain it all back in the 7 days between Christmas and New Year's?  True, the eating plan was not a struggle - it was enjoyable, but falling off the wagon is too easy. One piece of bread becomes bread every day becomes cookies and candy and all the things I had gotten to the point that I didn't want. All because those insidious voices of others that say 'Oh, it's the holidays, live a little!'

Maybe I want to 'live a little' in the other way for a change. The way that I look better in my clothes - maybe that's living a little better than cramming cookies in my face. Maybe it's more fun to 'live a little' by having energy and feeling good than by indulging in boxes of chocolate. It bothers me to talk like this, but the idea that I'm doing something I don't get to do very often by having a piece of pie or an éclair is bogus. I can do those things any day I want to - what I don't get to do very often is wear nice clothes that look good on me. Or have the energy to go for a long walk or be in a buoyant mood all day. That's the 'living a little' that I would rather do.

I hate making New Year's resolutions. In fact years ago I instituted the un-resolution - the resolve not to make stupid resolutions that I knew I would not be able to keep.

So starting over again on New Year's day is abhorrent to me, but my goal this year is to 'live a little' - meaning to get back those moments that I felt good, that I looked good, that I wasn't craving a cookie or a sweet cup of coffee and a piece of chocolate, that I could pass up a piece of bread and not feel bad about it. That's the way I want to 'live a little'.

I'm tired of hearing the 'oh, you have to enjoy yourself once in a while,' crap - when the truth is, I'm not really enjoying eating all that crap at all, I'm just doing it because it's in front of me.

Now, to keep my resolve? I don't really know. I don't want to be that person either - the militant 'eat-gooder.' I hate those people. I hate the people who harp on 'I lost a pound!' or 'OMG I was sooooo bad this weekend!' Morons. I've already decided I don't want to live in that world - the world where you spend the entire day telling everyone you don't have plans for New Years and this is your biggest problem, the world where your focus is on losing ten pounds for a vacation during which you will probably gain it back.

But I don't want to live in the world where every day is a 'special occasion' that requires a rich dessert because you have to 'live a little'. That's just bullshit too.

Off to try to make today count for something.