Before and After

I do way too much surfing with regards to nutrition and food and [of course] diets and dieting sites that pop up whenever you search nutrition or food. What’s funny is how many people put up before and after photos of themselves to hawk diets or diet products or just to toot their own horns [hey, whatever, good for them]. After seeing far too many of these before and after pics from amateurs and ‘professionals’ alike I’ve put together a few tips to help out those misguided souls who actually think they’re helping people.

Tips for posting successful before and after photos: [Irony\on]

Body language. This is a big one. If you want to really highlight the fact that you went from 115 pounds to 110 in 37 weeks of intensive, mind numbing exercise and starvation, definitely stick out your stomach in Photo 1 and let it hang over the waistband of your boy shorts. Slouch and frown if you can – you want to look as miserable as possible. Then in Photo 2 – smile, pick your head up, suck in that gut you never had to begin with and stand tall – you’re happy now, you lost 2.5% of your body weight!

Clothing. Definitely wear different clothes in each picture. Those too tight boy shorts and saggy bikini top in lackluster colors looked awful, and that’s the look you’re going for in Photo 1. In Photo 2, slip into that slinky black dress for the selfie – this way everyone knows you bought new clothes to celebrate your victory.

Expression. Don’t smile in Photo 1. In fact, do your best to hide your face. You don’t want people to actually know that’s you. [This way also when you hire someone else to take your after photo for you, the people you’re trying to fool won’t be able to tell if it’s the same person or not, very clever!] Go for shadows and poor lighting, wear glasses in Photo 1 and your contacts in Photo 2 so people also know that losing those 5 pounds gave you better eyesight! Remember, it’s always best if there’s some doubt that the two pictures are actually of the same person.

Background. NEVER take Photo 1 and Photo 2 in the same spot. If possible, Photo 1 should be in a shady room against a plain wall, no lighting whatsoever. Use a dirty mirror for that selfie – and of course hold your phone in front of your face as much as possible. In Photo 2 – go the beach [or have your double do that] – wear that string bikini, smile and face a brilliant light source so everyone can see the new definition in your abs.

Hair. Definitely wear a different hairstyle in your after photo. Get your hair colored in between if you can, or cut and styled – always think about how you can add doubt that it’s really you!

Bonus tip for professionals: Just use Photo Shop. Remember your job is to convince marks customers to buy your diet product in any way possible! Don’t be shy about fraud, it’s how this industry makes $66 billion a year after all!

Here's a good example of some quality before and after photos so you can see just how the best ones are done. Remember, there should always be a shadow of a doubt that both photos are of the same creature person!

BEFORE

AFTER

What an amazing transformation, amiright?