Breaking up is hard to do

Lot's of stuff today:

1. I broke up with Yahoo.

That might seem small, but it's really not. For a while now I've been addicted to ridiculous news articles, commenting, critiquing, becoming enraged by the stupidity that passes for news on the Internet. It's been frustrating and just plain bad. It brings out the worst in me and I've decided I don't like it. As much fun as it can be to go grammar police all over a poorly written headline or call out some internet journalist on their lack of research or their obvious lockstepping for whatever media outlet is making money off of disseminating false or inflammatory information - I never really feel good after having done so. Not that Yahoo news doesn't need a constant reminder that it serves no useful purpose in this world because it does [need a constant reminder], but I've just decided my time is better spent. So I changed my homepage to Google. I know. Google is a demon also, but at least I won't be hooked into arguments with insipid headlines for 45 minutes every time I log on the computer with the intent to get some real work done. Half the time, by the time I've commented and complained about everything that requires comment and complaint, I'm too worn out to do anything useful.

On that note, today I went for a walk in the park and took the above picture. A much better network to be surfing...

2. The transplanted polka dot plants were faking being happy. Today the larger one practically wilted and died before my eyes. It even had roots - so it wasn't like it hadn't grown. I don't know what went wrong except perhaps - and I hate to admit this - I may have over-watered it. The remaining one is limp and listless but it's still standing up right so I'm giving it air and letting it rest.

3. I'm thinking of genre hopping. And by that I don't mean sub-genre hopping - I mean main genre hopping. I've been so bored lately with my subject matter that I'm starting to think maybe it's time to really step out of my comfort zone and make the leap to a whole new world. It's better than quitting, and while it means some half finished projects may languish forever, it could mean that I can revitalize my muse and get excited about creating again.

Polka Dots!

I've been worried that the polka-dot plants I relegated to the safety of my home office to protect them from the cats weren't getting enough light, but apparently they like their habitat because one of them has produced a gorgeous little purple flower that looks like a cross between and iris and an orchid.

Likewise the cuttings I took last week and planted in potting soil seem to have taken hold. They're growing new leaves and enjoying the humid atmosphere in the half soda-bottle I'm using as a green house.

One potato, two potato

The potatoes have come a long way. They're such gorgeous plants. I'm looking forward to seeing if they produce enough tiny potatoes for a side dish of roasted spuds some time in the fall.

Next year, I think potatoes will be one of my major crops.

Wish I was here

One of my favorite walks - a narrow plank pathway leading to the Atlantic.

Sometimes I think the reason I'm so out of sorts in the summer is because when you're doing the same thing you do all year, go to work, come home, make dinner, check e-mail, wash dishes, watch TV...whatever - it doesn't feel like summer.

I miss real summer - I want to have a summer where you spend most of the day in a wet bathing suit, with sand under your toes and the smell of BBQ in the air and you sit around in the evening with friends talking and laughing and watching the stars pop out in the sky one by one. If it isn't that - then it really isn't summer and summer that isn't really summer isn't really anything.

What's wrong with 'You should...'

I'm sure I'm guilty of it myself, but I promise to make an effort not to start conversations with other people with the words, "You should..."

It's not so much about making a suggestion as it seems to be about telling someone to do something because you would do it, or wish you could. It's not so much offensive as bothersome.

I've been told on a couple of occasions, 'You should make terrariums and sell them at craft shows.' Ugh.

To the people who have suggested it, it sounds like a great idea. Just start churning something out, assembly line style, and boom, start making a profit. Except that the people who have suggested this to me seem to have no idea that it's not just something I pull out of my butt. I had to assemble all of the supplies and to make a terrarium properly, it DOES in fact cost money. If you find things cheaply, such as at garage sales, where I like to find things, you're lucky if you can make a handful of things with the supplies you find. To go into business selling something you need a lot of product... and either your product needs to be consistent, so that you can create a viable pricing system and a production schedule, or your product needs to be individual enough that you can charge whatever you want for each individual item. Once you create a bunch of things, you have to transport them to where you're going to sell them for all this profit people assume you will make. And you probably have to pay for space at your sales venue - so hopefully a couple of sales will make up for that cost, otherwise it's just a big exercise in futility.

So, now you've got something that's a fun, creative craft project that has morphed into an expense for the proper supplies, time to create a decent amount of stock, store them until you're ready to sell them, transport them and pay for space. Now you're selling these items and people who buy them will have questions - can you answer all those questions?

How long will the plants live? I don't know.
What kind of plant is it? I'm not really sure.
How much light does it need? Some, I'm not sure.
How much water does it need? Water it once a week? Or more. Or less. I don't know. It's an experiment.
What if my cat eats it? What if my kid eats it? Don't let them do this.
Why not? Is it poisonous? I guess it could be.
How can you sell something that's poisonous? I'm selling it because someone who thinks they know better than me told me I SHOULD.
Can you customize it for me?  Not really, because I don't feel like it.
Can I return it if it dies? Not really.

And on and on. Maybe I over think things. But I didn't start making terrariums because I was looking for a new cottage industry. I've already got one business that's more trouble than it's worth [writing]. I really don't need another. What I need is a hobby that I enjoy, that's fun, that's isn't going to create stress in my life.

So, NO. I shouldn't make these and sell them. What I should do is what I want to do, not what other people tell me I should do.

Why I write

I saved this picture to my hard drive a long time ago because I thought it explained how I felt about writing. The stories go on in my head all the time, and getting them on paper is a way of clearing the clutter out of my brain - but lately...I think I've gotten too good at suppressing the voices.

I made a concentrated effort a while ago to be more focused, and get out of my head so that I could experience the world through more than just my computer screen. I spent a lot of years writing feverishly and editing and basically spending almost all of my time staring at my computer. I spent today doing that - after a long time of finding excuses not to do it. I started out with some household work, spent a good long time worrying over a revision of rights letter to a publisher that is very likely in the process of imploding, and then spent the rest of the day alternately avoiding working on my book and making infinitesimally small advances in my rough draft.

I managed to write part of a scene this evening and then hit a brick wall again, so I'm still on page one of chapter one of a book I really don't feel like writing. And the worst part is, I'm not sure I feel like writing anything at all. The love just isn't there right now and I'm worried that this time it's gone for good.

Writing is my talent. It's my gift. I've spent decades learning how to do it better, learning the art and the science of story telling, and I feel like I owe it to myself not to let that gift fade away, but I'm also just exhausted. The publishing industry sucks. Books just aren't as good as they used to be... sorry, but that's my opinion. Even my own work isn't as good as it used to be.

I don't want to churn out books. There are plenty of people doing that - and the rub is, they're making more money than me. I want to write stories that at least if no one else likes them I think the're good and lately it seems I don't even like my own writing. That's a problem.

Hopefully it's just the summer blues - I battle them every year. But I'm really starting to worry that I've spent too much time ignoring the voices and now they don't want to talk to me anymore.

A river runs through it...

I managed to hold off on making more terrariums until I had the day off. So 1/4 of my four day weekend was spent working on these.  This one is for my aunt. It's just a simple plant that needs good lighting. She has no pets, so she doesn't have to worry about feline interference. With no lid, it can grow as big as it wants and it will look like trees surrounding the little deer. The only problem with it is, like most of these projects, it's just too easy to make. It took me more time to assemble all my tools and supplies on the picnic table than it did to actually put the thing together.

And here's the lemonade dispenser terrarium. It turned out pretty good! I have no idea what the plants are since neither of them came with any identifying cards. Hopefully the light from the dining room window will be enough for them because that's where they're going to live for now.

I used the awesome pearly glass marbles to make a river running across the front of the property. The figures I glued to flat rocks work well, though they're a tiny bit too big to actually get through the door of the house. Hopefully, perspective-wise that little detail won't really be noticeable. 

So once again I procrastinated a day away. I know what I want to do with the story I need to write, I just can't seem to get myself to the point of actually sitting down and doing it. With these projects out of the way, hopefully I can devote the next three days to some actual work.