Realizations

The experiment continues - not because I'm not discouraged, but because I have to keep reminding myself why I'm doing this.

I've stopped getting on the scale every day. {Reminder: It's not about losing weight in any way possible.} The scale tells me nonsensical things that cause me to spend half the day wondering what could possibly be wrong when I'm eating vegetables instead of bread. [Today's lunch included chicken salad 'sandwiches' on romaine lettuce.] Along with bacon, cheese and olives.

I have had one incident of acid reflux, but only one and I think it was because I ate late at night. Otherwise, I've been enjoying the reduction in back pain, the not falling asleep in front of the TV and the better, more comfortable sleep at night.

I'm amazed that I'm not ravenous for a cookie, but I haven't even wanted one. Not that I wouldn't eat one that was right in front of me - and not that for any amount of money I wouldn't eat one - because I would, for any amount of money. But I could go into the cabinet and get one for free and I'm not doing it.

I've realized, somewhat scarily, that this has to be a permanent change. There's no going back because if I added bread and potatoes, and chips and pretzels and cookies and cake back into my diet, I'll blow up. Even if I haven't lost any weight, I'll gain now - so the choice has been made. This is long-term. Fortunately, I still like eating this way. I feel better. It's nice to go the food store and pick up almond milk and cauliflower and lettuce [and an avocado - avocados are DIS. GUSTING, BTW. Really. They're awful.]

I also know full well that I don't like to wait for things. I want to see long-term results NOW. I want to know how all this play out a year from now. I'm not satisfied with crawling along one day at a time and that bothers me. That's why I'm frustrated because I'm not a 'wait for the big picture' kind of person. I want the end result immediately, so that's a challenge. If I felt this much better in two and a half weeks, how will I feel in two and half months? In six and a half months? I won't know until I get there but I want to know NOW. I want to know it isn't temporary and it's not for nothing.

I hate that weight loss is the barometer we are taught to judge our health by. It can't be working if I'm not losing tons of weight right? Because we're taught that how we feel isn't as important as how we look. You can tell someone you're on a diet and you feel really good - but if you haven't lost a huge amount of weight they don't care. You can tell someone you're on a diet and you lost 20 pounds but you feel like death warmed over and they're out buying the book because they don't care how they feel either, they just care about numbers on a scale. I hate that I still end up caring about numbers on a scale when the evidence that this is a better diet is right in front of me every day.

In other news, I'm STILL waiting for the critiques of my latest story. I don't know why it's taking so long and I hate to chase people for things. I'm working on book 2 again and my plan is to get them both out around New Year's or a little after. We'll see if I can get any feedback. These are people who volunteered by the way... ugh.

The upside is, I'm very glad I've made writing a hobby rather than a career. I don't need the stress of feeling like I'm losing money for every second something isn't published.

Keto update

I never would have thought coffee would be my downfall, but it's the one sweet thing I can't seem to give up.

Okay, week 2 of the experiment - remember those 2.6 missing pounds? Well 1 pound came back. I would be discouraged except I have to keep reminding myself I got off the 'I need to lose weight' moron train a long time ago. This is about feeling better - and as far as the way I feel, this experiment is already a success.

* Still no more acid reflux or indigestion.

* Back pain greatly reduced.

* Better sleep

* I'm not falling asleep in front of the TV anymore.

* A lot more energy and some better mental clarity.

* Feet not swollen at the end of the day.

* I don't feel like food is controlling me.

* No constant nagging hunger.

Here are the down sides:

# Don't have that nirvana enjoyment of food - the first bite of a buttered roll, the joy of a chocolate cookie or a piece of gooey candy... food is becoming just fuel - which is good and so bad at the same time.

# I'm spending time obsessing about numbers - searching for an almond  milk with no carrageenan, using keto calculators and wondering if my protein percentage is too high - that isn't what good health should be about.

# If my previous diet had been more unhealthy I might be losing more weight/faster - but I was already eating pretty well. Other than having a lot of multigrain breads and my cookie fix, I was drinking a ton of water, eating a lot of vegetables, fruits and nuts - so I think I've replaced the calories in the breads and cookies with the calories in cheese and meat, therefore probably not getting the big caloric deficit most people get who jump into this eating style from the cheeseburger-French fries-and-a-coke lifestyle I had 7 years ago do. If I'd done this back then, I might have been dropping pounds like crazy.

# I have to not allow myself to think in terms of 'never having that again'. I don't like that idea, but there is that fear that giving in and having something carb-heavy will put me right back into the cravings that I've finally kicked after 30 years.

Bottom line - I've made a lifestyle change that I do want to stick to and I have to remember that I FEEL better, which is what good health is all about. It's not about how your clothes fit, or what number is on the scale. It's about how I feel and since I feel better, it's a success.

Foodie update

It was an interesting day. We went to the Chocolate Expo in Secaucus today - sort of like a visit to Mecca for chocoholics like me. We went two years ago, and it was nirvana. Back then I ate my way through dozens of vendors offering free samples of everything. There were chocolate fountains, chocolate covered chocolate, chocolate covered bacon, chocolate covered pickles, honey, fudge, peanut butters, cheeses, fruits, nuts, tea, sauces - some chocolate, some not, but all delicious.

My plan this year was to buy some nice, high quality chocolate and splurge on some chocolate covered bacon. So off we went.

I was overwhelmed by the crowds as usual, and yet also sadly underwhelmed. Having been on the keto eating plan for about ten days now, I had NO DESIRE to eat everything that was handed to me. Samples of cake, biscotti and sugar-covered nuts actually turned me off. I did eat a chocolate marshmallow and a delicious bite of a Nutella crepe my son bought. I could have dived into that crepe and not come up for air for a week. It was heaven - but I stopped myself after one bite and handed it back. I may have wanted the crepe, but I didn't want to feel like I used to feel, so I stopped.

I tried samples of cheese, chocolate covered bacon [it was way overpriced so I didn't buy any] and some kind of nut roll which was like eating sawdust and required getting a bottle of water ASAP.

My ultimate purchases consisted of a roll of raw, organic sea-salt infused dark chocolate pieces and five bags of pumpkin seeds.

We then decided to forego the usually obligatory big restaurant lunch and came home and made lunch. Mine is above - spinach/kale salad, cucumber, olives, button mushrooms and some glorious slices of Parmesan Regiano cheese. I added some of those pumpkin seeds, some kale and basil from the garden and had the leftover banger sliders from Friday. One thing I've found is I have more patience to prepare food because I'm  not starving. One of the chief reasons I relied on restaurant and fast food so much was because so often I was just too tired and too hungry to cook. I wanted the food to be ready immediately and not have to expend energy to create it, and when you're not starving it's a lot easier to take the time to prepare something.

I'm truly amazed at finally being able to gain some control over my relationship with food. It's been a struggle for 30 years all because of the diet and medical industry lies.

Lies My Doctor Told Me [Part 1]

Week 1 of the Last Grand Experiment has produced some interesting results. I spent the last 7 days doing extensive research on the High Fat-Low Carb lifestyle and trying to go as carb-less as possible, and here are the early results:

* For the first time in my life, I've been able to kick the carb cravings. I guess when you eat food that actually makes you feel full, you don't need that constant hit of sugar to keep you going.

* For the first time I've been able to stop eating in the middle of a meal because I'm full and not still want a cookie or a piece of chocolate.

* I've been coming home from work and foregoing the obligatory handful of snacky stuff I normally have to grab to keep me going through dinner prep.

*TMI - my normally cloudy pee is clear

* I have not had an incident of acid reflux in a week

* Most amazing of all: My chronic back pain that usually leaves me hobbling in the morning when I wake up has subsided. When I tell you, for several years, I've woken up every morning cringing because my back hurts. I've blamed the mattress, blamed the position I sleep in, blamed my two epidurals and naturally blamed my weight. Every time I've mentioned back pain to a doctor in the past, even when it's been due to an injury, I've been told that my weight is a factor {naturally in medical school they teach you that skinny people NEVER have back pain}. The times I've lost 10 pounds or 15 pounds or more, my back pain has never resolved. On day 2 of this eating plan, I woke up with my back pain reduced to almost non-existent. Guess what, it's NOT my mattress. My mattress is fine. My back pain was caused by inflammation. What caused the inflammation? Not weight - since I only lost about a pound in those first 2 days. Could wheat, carbohydrates, flour, sugar, gluten?? be causing inflammation that's responsible for my back pain? Hard to believe. But what else could explain it?

* Weight loss on day 7: 2.6 pounds.

What did I eat this week? Eggs, steak, broccoli, spinach, olives, cheese, pork chops, spare ribs, chicken, cream cheese, protein shakes with heavy cream added, bacon, quiche, nuts, pumpkin seeds, shrimp, strawberries, a small amount of dark chocolate and about half the bananas I usually eat.

2.6 pounds

And no back pain.

Could it really be that the medical industry and the diet industry have been blatantly lying to not just the American public, but the entire freakin' WORLD for decades? Is low fat really the key to the cash cow obesity epidemic? Is it the machine that generates customers for doctors who have patients with obesity, diabetes, high cholesterol, heart disease, acne, arthritis, and a million other ailments that keep them coming to the doctor all the time?

I'm torn. I mean, first of all, it's only been a week. Who knows what next week will bring. On one hand, I'd be thrilled beyond belief to have finally found a 'cure' for the many problems I can't go to a doctor about because all I'll be told is 'eat less and exercise more' and when that bland, pathetic prescription doesn't work, it's all my fault for 'doin' it wrong'. How great would it be to finally be in complete control of my diet and not feel like food is controlling me?

On the other hand, what a horrifying realization - that an entire industry - well, more than that, medical, pharmacological, food industry, diet industry... are ALL LYING - all the time. ALL. THE. TIME. That's terrifying. It's depressing. Is it really just lack of knowledge, poor studies, a desire to be politically correct? Or is it something a LOT more insidious. A desire to profit from the pain and suffering of billions of people??

That's dark.

It's unthinkable. I'm not sure I can really process how awful it would be if it was really true that what we've been told about how to achieve good health is all A LIE.

Yet, the Johns Hopkins University Medical Center has a Ketogenic Diet Center. [For the treatment of epilepsy in children]. Nevertheless.

The jury is still out.

But so far the case against the medical profession is stacking up in an alarming way.

The last experiment

About 7 years ago, I embarked on what I now call ' the last diet'. Research has shown me that dieting is so many things - wrong, stupid, pointless, a lie - it's just a way for the diet industry to make money and usually ends up causing more harm than good. That belief is backed up by a lot of research that the average person has been conditioned not to believe.

I decided then that the best I could do was to try to be as healthy as I reasonably could keeping in mind that perfect health doesn't exist, nor does good health ensure anyone a long life. 

I changed my eating habits drastically - and the resulting weight loss didn't last. Despite keeping a lot of good habits and getting rid of a lot of bad ones, I ended up back where I started. This only gives credence to the idea that most conventional medical wisdom is a pack of lies. 

This week I began what I'm planning to call the 'last experiment'. I've tried all kinds of eating plans hoping to find the one that will make me feel good, allow me to enjoy my life, not turn into a full time job and be sustainable. I tried DASH and Paleo recently and while they have good points, they make no difference in my health in my opinion. 

Now I'm trying something new. A last ditch effort if you will that is allowing me to flip the bird so to speak at the establishment. If it works, I'll REALLY flip the bird to the establishment. In fact, if it works, I might even make a doctor's appointment, just for the joy of rubbing their faces in it. 

If it doesn't, then I'm officially and finally done worrying about what I eat and trying to make a difference. 

The photo above is my lunch. A spinach salad with bacon, feta, pumpkin seeds and a collection of deviled eggs. This meal actually carried me over for seven hours - with no snack - and when I finally got my dinner [after 7:00 PM] thanks to a specialist who was running THREE HOURS late on his appointments, I didn't even have the urge to overeat or pig out on a donut as desert. 

So far, so good. Let's see how it goes. I'll get back to you.

A bigger better terrarium

The marathon garage sale day turned up this loot - a fantastic, giant glass jar for $1.00 [complete with blue gravel], a bitters bottle, a miniature clear vase and a cute hurricane lamp that will be a great home for a tiny plant - which I haven't found yet.  I ran right out to buy something for the big jar because it needed to be a home to a needy plant ASAP.  Here's how it turned out.

The tree-like plant turned out to be bigger than I wanted it to be. I was really hoping to find some tiny plants, so they'd have a lot of room to grow big, but this isn't the season apparently for small plants. Hopefully the tree plant won't grow too big too fast. I added the spare bird's nest - and I'm pretending it's a blue-footed booby nest rather than a robin's nest. I set this in the bedroom window, we'll see how it does. I also grabbed the last of the ivy from outside [I did a much better job of eradicating it than I had really planned on, so I cut two small springs and planted them in the round open jar where i used to have the polka dot plants that weren't doing well.

I'm starting to outgrow my very limited indoor area for plants and I've got to bring my lemon tree inside soon, so things are going to get crowded for the winter. I think I have a plant addiction. Is that a thing?

Ridiculous happiness

So much time and money is spent on trying to find happiness. If anyone asked me, I would say the problem, why no one seems to be able to find happiness, is because everyone is looking for something big. Happiness is winning the lottery, having a huge wedding, getting a new car, a bigger raise, a bigger house - but those things don't happen to people every day, so they spend most of their lives unhappy, waiting for one of those big happy moments to happen.

The 'secret' to happiness, I would say, is to find happiness in the little things that can happen any time. This weekend, I was ridiculously happy - because of potatoes. The ones I planted in the summer from that vine that was growing in the pantry were finally ready to pick. So yesterday, while it rained like crazy, I dug them out of the container. This is what I got.

Gorgeous, right? Most of them were tiny but the I was really surprised by how big the biggest ones were. I'm inspired now to plant a lot more next year - I can't wait. My goal this season has been to grow enough of something to make a side dish for a family dinner and tonight I did that.  Here they are, cut up in preparation for roasting. 

Even more gorgeous, right? And they turned out great! A little olive oil, salt, pepper and garlic powder and they were amazing. I've never eaten a potato that was picked yesterday. To be honest, I was really proud of myself. I really feel like I've succeeded in changing by brown thumb to green.