Why doctors suck

Here's the letter I'm sending off to my son's doctor today. I'm had it up to here with a-hole physicians and there head in the sand, dinosaur mentality. {revised after a cooling off period of 24 hours} [Edited to add that I DID receive a phone call from the doctor - a voice mail - in which he apologized profusely and asked me to call him to discuss. I have not done so yet because I have more important things to do that assuage his guilt right now, but I will, I suppose, ultimately get back to him.]

Let the new a-hole ripping begin.

Dear Dr. __________________

I’m writing to express my disappointment and dismay at the condescending attitude you displayed during my son’s yearly physical today.

You asked my son what his plans were for the summer, and he told you he planned to do a lot of walking. While this may seem lackluster to a busy MD, since you only see my son for 15 minutes once a year, I don’t feel you are the best judge of how he should spend his time. Our family plan for my son this summer is exercise, attention to summer homework and time spent with independent study in his field of interest. If that’s not good enough for you, I’m afraid that’s too bad. His decision to take up walking and to ‘build up his endurance’ is one that his father and I have encouraged and applauded. Rather than taking him to task with inane mathematical questions about how many miles he could walk if he walked 24 hours 7 days a week all summer long, perhaps you might have encouraged his initiative. At a time when many young people lose interest in exercise in favor of parties and over sleeping, my son has become aware of a need in himself to improve his physical health. Whether he walks for ½ hour a day or 24/7, he should be encouraged to do so, not asked “Is that ALL you’re going to do?” I don’t feel it’s your place to condescend to a 17-year-old who does not know you well enough to begin rambling off all of his hopes and dreams and ambitions to you during a 15-minute physical exam. Asking him what he thinks about when he lies awake at night is something I cannot often get him to confess; I feel it’s presumptuous of you to expect him to give you a full accounting of his personal goals in such a limited amount of time.

You asked him about his career ambitions, and he told you he was taking a course to learn a particular program. Rather than expressing support, you asked him why he wasn’t going to a college to take a course. Might I ask if you intend to pay for that course for him? If you do not, maybe you shouldn’t be demanding accountability from him.

You asked him what colleges he was interested in and grilled him when he said he hadn’t thought much about it. Prior to your entering the room, he and I were discussing a college that he is interested in attending and had made a decision to arrange a tour. I did not feel it was necessary to repeat our conversation to you as you are not his career counselor but his physician, and your job today was to assess his physical health, not brow beat him about where he wants to be in 30 years. That’s MY job as his parent. Not yours.  [Incidentally, as a cum laude graduate of Montclair State University, had someone asked me a similar question during the summer after my junior year in high school, my response would have been exactly the same as his.]

In addition, while I am aware that my son is overweight, and his diet and eating habits have been a source of concern and an effort on my part for many years to improve, I felt your ‘you’re never good enough’ attitude to be far more harmful than helpful.

I understand that my son is a patient whom you have watched grow from an infant to an adult, and I can certainly appreciate that you may want to see him excel and succeed and remain in excellent health for his entire life. However, the attitude I witnessed today, is, in my opinion as a parent, NOT the way to encourage good health habits but a way to make a young person feel inadequate. I was embarrassed, irritated and annoyed when I left your office and was further saddened when my son opted to forgo the trip we had planned to purchase him a new pair of walking shoes. I feel the tone of his visit to your office may have put him off of his ambition to improve his health rather than make him more determined, as I’m sure you feel your approach is meant to do.

It is beyond me to tell you how to do your job or how to deal with impressionable adolescents, as I’m certain you see many more of them in a day than I do, but having been the victim myself of this type of attitude in the office of a medical professional I have to say, it’s disheartening at best and demoralizing at worst. 

It’s my sincere hope that my son will continue to have an interest in improving his health through exercise. He receives daily encouragement from me – and as you told him – he is taking ‘baby steps’ toward becoming a well-rounded, healthy adult. My goal is to find medical professionals who will encourage his efforts whether they be small efforts or large ones so that he will be able to foster a productive and positive relationship with his chosen physician rather than an adversarial one as I witnessed today. I certainly hope I do not have to look elsewhere to find these professionals. I would hope that the next time you see my son, if you do, you will treat him with a higher level of respect as an individual and listen to what he’s saying to you rather than attempting to coach or bully him into saying the things you want to hear.

 

{drops the mike and walks away}