Battling negativity

I'm tired.

Battling constant negativity is exhausting. It's hard when the negativity comes from within, but when it comes from without it's even worse.

I had to deal with a person today who was looking to pick a fight. Someone who is miserable in their own existence [by choice] and resents anyone who is not also miserable. Someone who only seems to brighten when they are putting someone else down or when they are getting sympathy for their problems. Dealing with them is exhausting in the extreme, and it's one of the reasons I've been seeking inner peace for so long. This is where I learned how to stress, how to worry, how to be resentful and jealous and judgmental and unkind. This is where I learned that it's better to do nothing for anyone else because they will look down on you for it. This is where I learned to take the smallest inconvenience or trouble and turn it into a reason to be unhappy and angry for days or weeks.

Unfortunately I cannot avoid this person. I also cannot change this person because this person takes pleasure in being miserable and difficult and annoying. All I can do is change how I handle myself, and it's a shame that I have to do that, but that's the way it is.

Here's what I wish I could say to this person:

* Get over  yourself. You are far luckier than you think you are. Everyone has problems and yours at the moment are minor compared to the problems of other people.

* Happiness is a choice. Every day you choose to focus on the negative, and so your day gets worse. If you focused on the positive you would have a better time.

* You are not the standard by which others should measure themselves. Just because you don't like something doesn't mean it's wrong for other people to like it. Just because you can't enjoy something doesn't mean others are silly or immature for enjoying it.

* Loneliness is a choice. If you separate yourself from people and disparage them when they try to reach out, you can't expect anyone to want to be around you. Your isolation is your own design.

* 'I can't' really means 'I won't.' Everyday people defy the odds and do things they thought were impossible. When you say 'I can't...' as a response to any suggestion to change or help yourself what you're really saying is 'I won't' - because if you really want to accomplish something, you probably could do it.

* Misery may love company, but company does not love misery. If you're going to complain or judge or gripe or snipe, you can't expect people to want to hang around with you. Be a source of light and people will seek you out.

* You have outlived your ability to make me miserable. I am working hard every single day on not letting your misery affect me, because your misery is your own choice. I don't feel sorry for you. I feel sorry for me because I've spent so many years letting your moods affect me. You should be sorry for that too because none of it was ever necessary.

* I'm on to you. I know that you are a narcissist, and I know that you disparage me and my choices because you're jealous. You can wallow in that or you can get over it and be glad that I turned out as good as I did.

Of course I can't actually say any of this because this person cannot take criticism of any kind, even the smallest amount. This person can't have an intelligent conversation about change because this person has no desire to change because that means work, hard work. I cannot change this person. I can only change how I react.

So I breathe deep and I let it go. It's all I can do.

And it will be enough.

But I'm still damn tired.