The struggle for zen in a non-zen world

I'm torn between two worlds. On the inside I'm desperately trying to create the blueprint for a better, calmer, more Zen existence and on the outside I'm still engaging in the things that cause me stress.

Today I engaged in my inner monologue again, which I absolutely can't stand doing. I also engaged in a Facebook post with someone who only seems capable of making me angry lately.

My zen for the day was shattered. It's hard to keep the inner ocean calm in a world where people are more worried about their right to pack heat than anything else in the world.

It sickens me that there are so many people who really think a world where everyone is armed is a better world to live in than a world where no one needs to be armed. I don't get it. It's frightening to think that fear has made so many people so arrogant to think that if they were armed they could save the world, or save their world or their own life if it was threatened. Perhaps it's wrong to want to live in a peaceful world - and maybe it makes more sense to say hey, we can never create a truly peaceful world because in doing so someone will have to give up their right to be violent. Maybe I'm just living in a pipe dream, but I don't think a world where everyone has a firearm in their pocket is a better or safer one. It makes me physically ill to think some people are so stupid that they do think that.

Anyway, that's not why I'm here - okay, it is why I'm here.

I know I should just work on changing the way I operate and not feel I have to justify it with explanation, but I do feel that way. I feel like I have to say it.

So I come here to say it.

I want 2016 to be the year I leave most of the Internet behind. I want it to be the year I can truly 'let it go' and live my life in my life and not live my life in the middle of the internet lives of everyone else.

I don't know if I can do it. I've been trying to break up with Yahoo for years. I just deleted my extra Facebook account for one of my pen names, but I still have my main one and that one is a problem. I feel tethered to it. I'm just learning what freedom from writing feels like. I don't know if I can handle freedom from the cyber world yet.

Off to make more photos and write some haiku.